True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
