I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
