I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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