how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
