I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
