But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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