Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
