The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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