ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
