I'll bet she douches with gravy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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