Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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