i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
