So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
