I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
