yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
