he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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