glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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