good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
