Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize