shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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