So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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