weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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