I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
