pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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