I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
