I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
