I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
