It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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