i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize