it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
