i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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