So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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