grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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