Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
