Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
