yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
