I wish i was in the wii world.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
