R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
