I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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