Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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