walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
