Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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