He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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