If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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