he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
