I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
