People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
