i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
