Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
