I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
