I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
