I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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