I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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