you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
