Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
