I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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