The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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