so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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