So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
