I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
