I wish I could punch you in the face.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
