Whod you bang
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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