Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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