he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
