She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
