Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
