So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
