Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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