whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Operation Purity has been aborted
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
