I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
