Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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