we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
