why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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