When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize