bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
