the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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