I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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