whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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